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You don't know the Rockhouse
Well, on this site I won't tell
you their profiles or any other information you can find on their own website
anyway. But I will give you a fantastic picture story including 50 funny
or beautiful photos taken in September 2005 in Hamburg. Please be patient, I saved all the
pictures at a size of 300x400 pixel so they will take some time to load.
To avoid serious danger please read
the instructions carefully before using the picture story for your
amusement. Ninawelt.de is not responsible for any damage caused by
consuming this story.
The Rockhouse Story
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and please be careful because fresh coffee can be very hot and burn you.
- You are advised to refresh your anti-rabies inoculation!
- Don't drink and read at the same time because otherwise you could choke
on your drink!
- Hand out ear protection to all your neighbours!
- Be sure to have at least two square metres for rolling on the floor
- Be careful when you read this together with friends, they might
intensify your breathlessness!
And the most important ones:
- Never forget to breath!
- Don't take everything too serious!
Of course every great career in music starts
rather early, so first we have a look at three young musicians attending
their musical lessons together. There the wolf puppy is a real geek,
when they are asked about their progressing he always wants to show what
he has learned at home on his little glockenspiel.
Sometimes even the teacher likes to
twit our little wolf puppy a bit and so he is vainly waiting for his cue
while his classmate Joe is playing a guitar solo. Jamie considers the waiting
wolf to be highly amusing and he nearly falls off his seat howling with
Improvement can't happen without
failure. Joe plays a wonderful solo and sings at the same time. The
teacher is very pleased with him what encourages Joe to get funky a bit.
So he ends up with his braces getting stuck at the mic.
No catastrophe for Jamie so far,
he enjoys the extraordinary lesson that has been full of fun and
laughter for him.
Wolff can't forget that Jamie
laughed at him when he was waiting for his cue. But during this lesson he finally
gets his chance for a revenge. When Jamie does his silly surfing
performance and needs to concentrate on that very hard, he takes him at
this disadvantage, snarls, jumps over his drum set and carves his fangs
deeply into Jamie's ankle.
Everybody is highly surprised. Especially
the anguished Jamie who tries very hard to shake off the beast and
whimpers through gritted teeth. Normally
the little wolf is nice and behaves rather well, but you might know the
reason for this sudden violent behaviour: There is a full moon tonight and
so he changes from the lovely puppy into a cruel werewolf.
The teacher remembers hardly soon
enough that Wolfman's psychiatrists told him a trick to calm the werewolf:
he needs to spend a little time in front of his drum set where he can attract
more attention from the audience.
This doesn't reverse the mutation but
the surrounding pupils are save until they leave at the end of the lesson.
Then the wolf can be stupefied by a gamekeeper without shocking the
Some years later...
The kids have grown up, improved their musical abilities on different
instruments and established their first band calling themselves
"Rockhouse Brothers". You might think they just chose this
name because of Rock'n'Roll but there are additional religious reasons ("On this ROCK I will build my
church..."). Their gigs always start with
Wolfman preaching and praying for success. Joe and James start rocking
when the little green man behind the drum set says the blessing.
But Wolff isn't the only religious
zealot on stage. Sometimes when you are very quiet and there are no bad
people around, you can see the polished halo over Joe's head what gave
him his nickname "the Saint". Furthermore Joe and Wolff always
tell, that they can sense heavenly vibrations with their forefingers when
the halo is glowing.
Of course Jamie is trying very
hard to feel the vibrations, too, but he is not able to work out how to
use his fingers for that.
One of the most important topics for
Rock'n'Roll musicians are women! Especially Jamie sometimes starts to
think about the woman of his dreams during their gigs and when he dares to
close his eyes, the situation gets out of control quite easy...
Joe of course is afraid of trouble
with his mother because of the rumors caused by his dreaming brother. He
absolutely hates this, but always tries not to show his disapproval. Well,
sometimes you can see the fire blazing in his eyes when he looks at Jamie
and says: "Stop it, Jamie, she's gone!"
But Jamie always feels so
He doesn't dare to whisper his reply in English, so hopefully Joe can't
understand him yet: "Wenn ich schon kein Groupie abkrieg', kann ich ja
wohl wenigstens meinen Bass flachlegen!"
Unfortunately Joe understood his
little brother perfectly. But he loves him very much and so he offers:
"Take your double bass, aim very well and I allow you to take home
the woman you hit with your first strike."
During the brothers' fights about
Jamie's performance, the Wolfman tries to read the love letters and
postcards he always takes with him. God bless the multitasking drummer! He
is quite sure that nobody can see the letters lying on his bass drum.
Unfortunately he is purblind and
can't decipher everything the girls are writing, but Joe
and Jamie give some glasses to him that are supposed to help. Now the
Wolfman can read his love letters and even see the most beautiful fans. But
because the band just could afford a cheap glasses frame, the girls now
stop writing love letters to Wolff.
In his deep desperation he tries to
find a way to cheer up a bit and so he tells Joe, that nobody will be able
to notice him playing with closed eyes all the time when he wears this
glasses. After that he directly tells Jamie, that he can see UFOs with
this special kind of glasses. Unfortunately Jamie now can't reach his microphone
any more and he tries so hard...
...that he bangs his head against the
microphone. Ouch! Luckily his hair covers the lump.
Suddenly there is a new tension.
Jamie realizes, that his microphone is a kind of rival in business and he
gets very angry about that. From now on there is rivalry on stage.
In former times the three Rockhouse
Brothers were like real brothers, for example whenever Joe lost his pick
Jamie and Wolf immediately started to search the ground to bar Joe from
starting to cry.
But today everything is different.
Jamie and Wolff are very angry with Joe, because they have told him so many
times to refit his guitar's varnish, but he simply ignores this even if the
looks he receives are not very comfortable. Or why else should Joey look
so embarrassed? (Watch his feet!)
When the Wolfman demonstrates his
brilliant abilities on the drums (for example playing the ride cymbal with
his tambourine instead of a drumstick), Jamie gets so jealous that he
climbs onto his bass speaker and invents the bass guitar just to be the
He succeeds this time and doesn't
hide his feelings of triumph.
Next we can witness some sibling
rivalry. Joey wants to show something special, too, and climbs onto the
double bass, but Jamie immediately calls the security.
Joe is lucky, there is no security
today. But Jamie absolutely doesn't want to share his double bass and
tries to shout loud enough so the police can hear him.
Before the policemen arrive, Joe
betakes himself to flight.
Worse comes to worst: The right
drumstick did something wrong, so the last fight of the evening takes place
between two drumsticks... sibling rivalry between twins!
Or is there another
reason for the violence between the drumsticks? Perhaps the Rockhouse
Brothers should hire a new drummer! They do their very best to find
someone, but the unknown talent is much too shy and always hides himself
behind the guitar.
So Joe and Jamie drop the idea of
a new drummer, drive to the animal shelter and free the Wolfman again.
Jamie regrets this very soon, because since being in the shelter there
are some fleas in Wolff's fur who like Jamie's sweaty hair very much,
And since the attack in their
lesson when they were children, Jamie's ankle is sometimes very hard to
handle. Rumors are telling that the doctors took away the bones and
replaced them by gum. Whenever the audience can see Jamie twisting his
ankle, Wolff is very embarrassed about that because whenever there is no
full moon he regrets the bite.
Joe announces happily during their
next gig that they have readopted the best drummer ever: The Wolfman!
And of course Wolff is happy about being back, too.
Joe doesn't mention Jamie's
injuries caused by the Wolfman, what of course makes Jamie very angry. On
stage he is brave, he hides his anger and desperation in his dancing
performance instead of attacking his colleague. The angrier he gets the
better he is able to move his hips.
Perhaps a night with some cute
girls could help to calm him down again completely? Joe is not fast
enough to stop his little brother and so Jamie aims again (even though
the first victim is still lying unconscious in the van). The girl Jamie
is aiming on is rather far away from their stage so he decides to throw
his double bass this time.
Guess how much Joey likes Jamie
In punishment of the second
injured beauty, he fetches the instrument and glues Jamie's thumb to the
finger board of his double bass.
Yeah, older brothers can be so
cruel... Joe intended to use wallpaper paste so Jamie is able to play
the bass again soon, but instead he takes super glue by mistake and so
Jamie has to play the next gig with the glued thumb.
There is no way to free his thumb.
Even when he slips on a teddy thrown by a groupie he can't loose his
hold on the bass.
Well, the punishment really has
been enough and Joe prevents Jamie from hitting the floor: he sacrifices
himself and his knees hit the ground with a loud bang.
The emergency surgery is very
expensive, but a few weeks later Joe is as good as new again.
Unfortunately the doctors want to be paid very soon, so he has to sell
everything they don't need by auction. He starts with all the useless
... and goes on with a sack full
of wolf food.
And of course Joe tries to sell
Jamie again as a slave for 24 hours. To make the offer more attractive
so the audience pays as much as they can, Joe shows the last naked
pictures of his little brother. As always without permission. That's why
Jamie starts mutating to an ice age squirrel during the gigs, but he is
not very ambitious. He just manages to change his shadow.
Nevertheless he is admired by
Joe for that feat.
The Wolfman considers all this to
be quite boring so he climbs on his seat and thinks about turning a somersault across his drum set. Just to do something special for the
first time in his life.
The future gigs will end a bit
earlier and there will be more breaks, so the getting older Joe will
never again be forced to play when he needs to find a toilet.
Wow, it's time to end this story!
So I give you one last pictures to admire, perhaps you can imagine
listening to one of your favourite Rockhouse Brothers songs?
There's no need to discuss, that
the Rockhouse Brothers gigs are always wonderful. And now finally it has
been discovered, how they are able to do this:
Look at the CD jewel case lying on
the floor. Then follow the cables...
There's a CD player hidden inside the bass drum!!!
The ride cymbal is used as the "play" button, the crash cymbal
as "pause". And the standing tom is filled with beer, you can
even see the two black taps above the CD player buttons.
(The man with the sunglasses behind the set reacts when you call
Perhaps the Rockhouse Brothers
should attend some musical lessons?